An Unwelcome Visitor : Chapter.26

An English M.S'r at large in Paris!

                   Hello my friends out there, my week in Paris is over, all too quick because every second, every minute and every hour of every day, I will always remember because Paris...... where have you been all of my life!!

                 We boarded the train to Paddington at some ridiculously early time for me but my 'adrenaline' levels were keeping the 'Bastard Thing' under control fortunately, so it was not an issue and I don't even think that it was mentioned by either of us.  The journey to London was soon over and we then caught the underground to St.Pancras International and when we arrived there and gone through passport control, our trip on the Euro-Star had, at last begun!

      Our journey at this stage was still very early in the morning and once we were rattling along, the gradually awakening landscape became pretty monotonous and for the twenty minutes in the channel tunnel, it became REALLY boring, so much so, I did not even realize that we had emerged from it and for about  ten minutes I did not even know we were on the French side! We were asked to alter our watches, one hour ahead and it was then that our phones changed over to French networks, the wonders of modern technology! It was about this time that I thought I should make a visit to the toilet, well it's not everyday you get to pee on the EuroStar and in 'French' France!!  So I made my way down the aisle and went into the toilet,  it was all 'stainless steel' hardware with little 'cubby-holes' dotted about and signs just about everywhere, 'do this', 'don't do that', 'put it here', and 'definitely not there', a bit freaky if you ask me, nonetheless, I tried to go, and I tried and I tried.........and I tried again  but I just could not go, Christ, don't you just HATE that!! I suppose knowing that there was someone outside waiting didn't help much either, so I washed my hands and made a quick exit!  Soon a message came over the intercom that we would be arriving at Gare Du Nord in five minutes, this was it, our holiday in Paris was about to begin and as my friend Caroline (@TheGirlWithMS) often say's in all of her blogs 'let's do this'!,  So Paris, I am here, take me as I am!!

     
 
              Confused, bewildered, wary and all of the human emotions you could think of were all spinning around in our heads all at the same time but hey ho, upwards and onwards we went!  After clearing the booking in desk, I really needed that pee but I also needed an Espresso and those of you who know, the place is full of places to buy a cup of coffee but 'not' so many 'obvious' places to have a pee!!  I chose a coffee shop and duly headed towards it, armed with my best schoolboy French and a pocket full of Euros, 'bonjour monsieur, deux Espresso s'il vous plait', the guy looked at me quizzically, 'deux.....monsieur', 'oui....deux'!  Now I love Espresso coffee, I know it comes in tiny cups and I know that it is very strong, you love it or hate it,  I love it!  He proceeded to hand over two tiny little disposable cups of said coffee to me, I handed over the money and when he turned to give me my change, the picture on his face when he saw me pouring one cup into the other to make a bit more than one mouthful was one of those magical moments,  'monsieur, it is Espresso, it is very strong'!!  With one of my best 'winks', I said, 'aint that the truth, merci', quickly I turned around and stifling a giggle went off in search of my wife and then 'le toilette'!

        Again those of you who have been through that station will agree with me, if you are an M.S'r or are disabled, there are a lot of lifts and escaltors so getting about and moving to each level is relatively easy and for those like myself who are 'reasonably' able, the stairs do have bannisters and the steps themselves are quite wide, so with a little care, it is not too bad getting about!  Anyway, I finally found the toilets, made a right prat of myself because I thought that the queue was 'for' the toilet but only to find out it was the queue for 'change' to use the toilet,  well Martin, this is France after all!

               Right then, let's go, so off we went in search of the hotel, which we had been told beforehand was about ten minutes walk away but in which direction, neither of us had a clue, what the hell it's all part of the holiday, or so we tried to convince ourselves!   We had a map with us and we would stop at frequent intervals and look at the map, look around us, make out that we new where we were going to, start arguing, look at the map again, argue again, I know, I will look on google maps on my i-Phone, shit, still searching for a network,  I know, I will just have to ask, no problem, or so I thought!  Excuse moi monsieur, ........s'il vous plait, parlez vous Anglais?  I must have asked about three or four people and then there was this guy, chomping on some sort of pastry thing, reading his paper and having a cigarette, all at the same time I might add, bless him, he came up to us and in very good English said, 'do you need help', yes please, do you know how we get to this particular address?  First of all, he shrugged his shoulders and said, 'mais non, I am sorry', but he then said to give him a few seconds and he will phone his friend and proceeded to stuff the pastry in his mouth, stick the paper in his ass pocket, then pull out his i-Phone, grab the address off of me, punch in the number of his friend, or so I thought, start to speak so fast, I did not have a clue what he was saying, then a few seconds later, he beckoned me over to look at the screen, showed me exactly where our hotel was, his mate turned out to be SIRI on his phone and he was basically showing me our hotel on Google maps, DOH!

We were literally across the road and two streets away from our hotel, I thanked him in French and as we left he shouted out to us, 'good luck in Paris', not too sure if he meant it or he was just being sarcastic, I like to think he meant it!

We eventually got to our hotel, down a 'typical' Parisiene side street, buildings with lots of ornate iron balconies and painted shutters, this was the Paris I was longing to see, this was how I had always imagined it to be! 

The staff were so welcoming, spoke perfect English which really pissed me off because I had been practicing my opening speech but hey ho, more chances later!  Anyway, we went up to our room, total contrast to the building itself, very modern decor, very French and everything that we would need, it was perfect!  I had taken my Modafinil that morning and it was doing a good job in keeping my fatigue under control, in fact I felt fine even now that my adrenaline rush had started to level out, we were home for the next four days, we were now unpacked and both ready to start 'exploring'!  Paris, I'm coming to getcha!!!

Sniff that!!!!  That my friends is PARIS.

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Ok let's get to some 'serious' points about getting around the streets of Paris!  On the whole,  the streets are not too bad to deal with if you are an M.S'r, most of the 'main' streets do have wide pavements, either tarmac or paving slabs, so not too much trouble at all, every few yards there are 'pedestrian' crossings, consisting of a 'Red' don't walk sign and a 'Green' walk sign!  A word of warning/advice, wait until EVERYBODY starts to walk across before attempting your first steps into what could be oblivion if you are not careful!! They do stay 'green' for quite a few minutes, so if you do need time to cross, you have got it and don't be alarmed by the sound of car horns blaring, they are not at you (hopefully) this is Paris and when in Paris if you have a horn in your car, you  use it, it is a right of passage!!

    One piece of advice that I had read about and really is important and that is if you need to use a toilet regularly, here is a good tip!  All cafes will let you use their toilet but would prefer you to purchase something . This should prove to be not much of a problem, take time out to enjoy Cafe Society, have a coffee, or a glass of wine or a crepe, perhaps one of the many delicious pastries to choose from!  The thing to remember is that you can sit and just rest, nobody cares if the coffee or whatever lasts you ages, so it's usually a win win situation, you pee, you drink, you rest, happy days!

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There is a 'Heaven' and it is up there!!

My trip to the top of Montmartre was 'arduous' and 'joyous' both in equal measure. Firstly it was a very steep climb to the top and it was mostly cobbled streets, steep public staircases but it was oh so magical , full of artists drawing in the street, the whole place became almost like a village smack bang in the middle of all of the noise below, it became my vision of what Laurel Canyon used to be like in the sixties. I was aching like hell and needed to stop and sit for a while!  I had made a promise to a special friend that I would find a small cafe en route to the top, this we did, had an Espresso and for the time we sat, just sucking up the 'vibe', I just began to grin, then I smiled, ordered another coffee and I just kept on smiling, I was SO happy that we had made it!

      So here's to you Sun, I made it and I enjoyed the hell out of it, just like you said, God bless you Doll, I found a welcoming Cafe and the Coffee was good, so when you are ready and your story telling is ready and the desert becomes the Ocean, just you divert that big old Diamond Head rattler over to Montmartre, I have said that you will be back one day, so they will be ready and waiting, with a chair and a table, a chilled bottle of Bordeaux, a glass and a whole shit-load of inspiration!X

The Stairway To Heaven (and sore feet)

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The next stop up was to the Sacre-Couer, the highest point in Paris!  Now if I am to be honest for a minute, although I am an MS'r I was getting about pretty ok and with dogged determination I was marching on through the pain barrier!  We were still walking on cobbled streets and steep steps right up to the doors of the sacred Basilica!  Now as I have said many times before in various chapters, I am not a religious person at all, jeez, I'm far too cynical for that but once inside and staring up to the huge, ornate dome, I suddenly found myself looking towards heaven, I even stopped for a minute to collect my thoughts, my wife stopped and turned to me with some concern, 'Martin, are you ok,' she said to me, 'I'm just praying to the guy upstairs', I said, she looked at me in a very quizzical way and a few seconds later she said to me,..........'why'?  'To see if he will give me the winning lottery numbers of course'!!! 'Why, what did you think I was doing...........oh that, well doll there is more chance of me winning the lottery I reckon!!'

I must point out that there is a 'funicular' railway that can do away with the climb to Sacre-Coeur, it takes about 90 seconds, only costs a couple of Euros, plenty of room inside and you are then subjected to some fantastic views of the city. So you can save time and energy but if you can, do the street climb, it is truly a 'magical' experience! 

  

Dear Lord, get rid of the steps Man, escalators are the way forward!!!

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Back to business!

The next part of our Parisiene Sojourn was an open top bus tour of the city!  Without doubt, one of the best ways to see the sights, especially if you have no desire to queue, or to walk about or risk life and limb being a passenger in one of the many forms of 'Pedal Taxis' that are all over the place, dangerous or what, or you could also sit in the back of a VespaCar and with a bit of horsepower, you can whizz about the city!!!  Now the guys who operate these things must either earn a lot of money doing it, have some sort of pact with the devil or be completely whacked off their tits on something highly illicit!!  Being a passenger on a bus or in a taxi is scary enough but willingly going into one of these is almost like a 'deathwish'!!

....be afraid, be VERY afraid!

Perhaps a bit of 'oomph' is required maybe......

or if you prefer, it comes in white.

           The beauty of sightseeing by bus is that if you are able, you go up to the top deck, if you can't deal with the stairs, you can get on quite easily, usually plenty of help at hand and enjoy the journey from inside, usually plenty of room downstairs because most people go upstairs anyway, so you can just stretch out, you can hop on or off at various stops throughout the tour and you are not held to a strict timetable, so if you want to visit a museum or other sight in the city, you can even get back on when it is starting to get dark and all of the lights begin to come on everywhere, that's when Paris becomes magical, it's not called The City Of Lights for nothing you know!

            As beautiful, as bewitching as this city is, there is no beating about the bush, there are places that are  particularly unfriendly towards disability, well it is old afterall but it is such a shame because everybody should have the chance to experience the joys of Paris!  So if you are planning a trip here and you do have M.S, work out what you want to see, what is available in terms of access etc. for the disabled, have an idea on the availability of toilets/bathrooms, don't forget that you have to pay to use most public toilets, so keep a stash of Euro's in loose change, make sure you have a bottle of hand gel, plenty of tissues or wet-wipes, most toilets are fine but it is always handy to have the ability to 'freshen up', right?
                  Using the Paris Metro, although it is a great network once you get the hang of it, I will be honest with you guy's, it is not that friendly towards disability. Lots of steep stairs to contend with, there a few that have shorter steps?staircases at various stations, not many escalators and not many elevators! Awkward and tiring if you are fit and able, fucking hard work with a suitcase let me tell you!!  However I did see one guy being carried down two flights of steep steps by two friends, his leg was in plaster, they went from Bonne Nouvelle to the Trocadero (Eiffel Tower) and they duly carried him off the train and up more steep stairs!!  Much respect to those guy's, true friends without doubt! 
             Be prepared for cobbled streets and crowded streets, most cafes/restaurants are accessible from street level without too much problem but some are up or down steps/stairs. So a stick or a cane, a folding one is perfect because you may not need it all of the time!  I did see people with 'walkers' and I did see a few 'motorised' wheelchairs, even one young woman taking on the steep climb up Montmartre, if she had M.S or not is irrelevant, she was disabled, on her own and taking it on, that's the main thing! You have to remember, I am writing this blog from the viewpoint of someone who has M.S, although I am someone who can still get about pretty well but during the whole of our trip, I was looking at things with the attitude of, 'I can at the moment but one day I might not, so how will I deal with it when the day comes when I do need help! Also a 'comfortable' pair of shoes or boots is absolutely essential,  I wore a pair of 'Fire-Trap' boots, very comfortable and oh so COOL but my feet ached like hell at the end of each day I can tell you!
              One thing I will say is please don't let this 'Bastard Thing' make your judgement's for you!  I know that you are probably thinking that is easy for me to say, well maybe it is because at the moment, my body is pretty Ok but it has not always been the case, far from it and for far too long I let M.S take over all of my decision making, so much so that I began to dismiss any hopes and dreams that I once had, COMPLETELY!!  Ok, certain things  may prove to be just a bit too far out of reach but please don't dismiss them entirely, if you have a good 'wingman' with you, wife, husband or partner, or maybe a bunch of good friends like the guy on the train earlier, things CAN be done and there are still a lot of people out there, perfect strangers even, willing to lend a hand if you need one!  So just you think about it because we are a long time dead, don't be full of regrets, if you can get one over on this 'Bastard Thing', it's got to be worth that alone, don't you think!!

I was so surprised how much that I loved Paris, not only from a 'tourist' point of view but also as a 'person'!  I know I was only a guest for four days but I adopted the lifestyle so easily, far easier than I thought. All of the usual tourist spots I loved and once you know how to deal with the 'beggars' and numerous 'scammers' that this Capital city, like all Capital cities has in bucket-loads, I always found that a polite but firm 'non merci' did the trick or one of my best psycho stares and they were not too much problem!  I think that I was so carried away with the whole place, I treated myself to a new hat, not the usual base-ball cap anymore, oh no, I bought a trilby, I wanted one the same as 'Popeye Doyle, a la French Connection, couldn't find one anywhere so I settled for one that Leonard Cohen wears these days which I found in a shop in Notre Dame, only cost 9.50 Euros, bargain!  I must admit that I would possibly feel a bit self conscious wearing it back home, but in Paris nobody batted an eyelid so I wore it all of the time, I just loved it!

'Even an old 'troubadour' like Mr Cohen can still look pretty goddamn cool with the right hat!'

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I shall try not to bore you too much,  Notre Dame was a beautiful piece of Gothic architecture with plenty to see at 'ground level', so you don't have to be disappointed about being unable to climb to the top, you can just sit and relax, just take it all in and on the half hour, old Quasimodo comes back from a break and starts head butting the bells, the sound is just AMAZING!!!   You can then take a stroll across the 'lock bridge', you can even buy a padlock, lock it to the bridge, pledge your undying love to that special person and toss the key into the Seine! 

    If you look across at the road-signs on the bridge you will see Boulevard St.Michel, mentioned in the lyrics to the classic song, 'Where Do You Go To My Lovely(Peter Sarstedt)!  You just take a leisurely stroll, looking at  all of Cafe Society, which is why boys and girls, God invented Ray-Bans, so you can look at all of the beautiful people without being noticed!

 

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A trip to the Eiffel tower, purely a photographic trip as far as I was concerned you understand,  I suffered vertigo just staring at it but after a while  was just taken in by it's sheer size, we were also quite lucky, the day we went, the crowds were fine, not too big at all.  All around the tower itself, the paths, the main bridges and the whole of the concourse that went around and underneath the tower were fine and won't present too much of a problem for anybody regardless of disability.  I would advise people on being a bit 'savvy', there are street traders everywhere and people walking around with clip-boards claiming to represent disabled charities, funny thing is that regardless of where you visit in the city, they just seem to be  everywhere, AVOID!!

Seen one Tower, think you have seen them all?  Think again!

       Quite a nice shot when you consider that I had my eyes closed and was holding my camera at arms length!

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     Did I say that I bumped into some old bird called  Mona, I think that was her name, what a miserable bitch, a face like a slapped arse!

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I do love winding up security!

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     Like an open -top bus tour, one of the best ways yo do a bit of sightseeing is to get a ticket for one of the many boat tours on the River Seine! Again, I would recommend that you purchase your tickets online and in the UK before you travel, apart from it saving you money, it saves time and hassle when you arrive!  Travelling on the river gives gives you another perspective of the City, we went during the day but night time cruises are always available, maybe next time. The larger boats virtually all have 'wide' gang planks that go from the boarding areas straight onto the boats, giving plenty of access, plenty of room to get on and off, the pathways leading down to the boarding areas do have 'slopes' as well as steps which makes life a lot easier, the boats leave about every half hour, so there is no need to rush because you are not waiting about too long!  Anyway, while you are waiting you can get some great pictures of the Eiffel Tower, or you can just have a coffee and chill for a while.

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      On the last day of our visit we had decided to pay a visit to see Jim, an old friend of ours who sadly died a few years ago in Paris and he is buried in Pere Lachaise cemetary. It took us about ten minutes on the Metro to get there and on our arrival at the Cemetary, almost as soon as we started walking about, I began to have a feeling of real unease, 'shit, I do not want to start feeling lousy today',  I remember thinking to myself!  The place is absolutely rammed full of mausoleums of every shape and size, incredibly elaborate tombs, some that have fallen into sad states of disrepair, some overgrown  by trees and weeds and some had just completely collapsed!  During our hunt for old Jim, we happened to come across the tomb of Oscar Wilde, it was surrounded by students and people obviously deep in thought, some people were laying single roses at the foot of his grave and looking closer, there are 'lip-stick kisses all over it, they have recently put up a glass screen to prevent people doing this apparently.  Come on, if people wish to pay their respects this way or any other way, I don't reckon old Oscar is going to complain anytime soon now is he, they are only paying their respects to him, not desecrating his grave!!

People are/were just dying to get in here!

          

I think that Mr Wilde would have approved!

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..........something someone forgot to tell me?

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The man in black, very appropriate!

........ssssh, she is the one who keeps me out of trouble!

The cemetary is massive and all of the paths and tree lined Avenues are cobbled and there is no getting away from it, it is really hard work!  My feet and my legs were soon starting to ache but I was determined to find the old reprobate and fortunately there are benches every fifty yards or so which were very welcome I can tell you! Anyway,  onwards and upwards we went and I was just about to say to my wife that perhaps we will come back some other time, she called out 'I've found him!!' There he was, under an innocuous granite slab, just a brief inscription, a couple of pictures and a few bunches of dying flowers, this was the final resting place of Jim Morrison! We both just stood a while in silence, I took off my hat out of respect, not that it would have bothered Jim anyway and all that I wanted to do, I felt I 'had' to do, was to say thanks and God bless you Man!  We were just about to leave when a conker from one of the trees above fell off and bounced down the cobbled Avenue, was that The Lizard Kings way of saying thanks for coming or was he just telling us to piss off!   Nah!, he was saying thanks for coming dude, I reckon he can tell the good guys like me!

         On the way out were approached by an Australian guy who made an 'attempt' to talk to us in French, 'it's ok mate, we're English!' 'Thank Christ for that', he replied!  'Any idea where Jim is buried' he asked!  We fell about laughing at his question, 'how did you know we had come here specifically to see Jim?' 'Well, your hat is kind of cool and your wife is attractive, no offence mate!' We laughed even more, gave him directions and as we parted with a firm 'fist shake', I said to him, 'you know he might not even be in there!' He laughed and said, 'Yeah I'd heard that too, the Bastard better be, I've come a long way to see him, good on ya mate'!  This was just a beautiful ending, in a perfect scene to best of times!

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There are times in our lives that are just so................right, so perfect! Whatever it is, wherever it is and who it is spent with, whatever, it is so perfect and it makes you so happy! Speaking personally since 2000, those times have been a bit thin on the ground, probably because I have been the one who has always put obstacles in my way, prevented me from enjoying life the way it should be enjoyed! Well,  for four days recently, life was good, I was so happy, so much so, it hurt but I did not care because the pain was good and it was self inflicted!  So I will always be grateful to Paris for letting me return to my old, carefree self, well almost anyway, the wife was with me after all (ha ha ).

 

Think about it, don't dismiss it out of hand, however you do it, who cares, just make every attempt to fulfill your dreams, reach those numbers on your Bucket List, just don't let this Bastard Thing have everything of yours!

Until next time, stay as well as you can, be as rebellious as you can and keep spitting this Devil in the eye, Bombs Away Dream Babies. X