An Unwelcome Visit - Chapter. 8:-      
                               No More Excuses, go for it!

                               I don't know what it was or what prompted me to visit the Swindon Therapy Centre last summer, I think that I must have  made a subconscious decision  earlier in the year!  As I have said in previous blogs, I have, until recently chosen to deal with MS in my own way, a choice which I stuck to for many years and even though I was well aware of the existence of the Centre, I did almost go out of my way to avoid visiting it!  Now, I would be the first person to admit that I was so wrong about that choice but for nearly thirteen years, I thought that I knew best and I needed no help from anyone or any MS organisation for that matter. As I have now also stated in previous blogs, I did need help, I could not tackle this mountain on my own and  it was taking it's toll on me as a person!  I have in recent months, gradually started to seek out all of the help, in whatever form it takes, to help me deal with it and more importantly to me, start to meet and mix with fellow MS'rs!
                              It was my wife who saw an announcement in the local newspaper that mentioned the open day that the Centre was going to be holding and it was her who said that I should go!  At first I was, as usual, pretty reluctant and I made all manner of excuses not to go but she kept on at me and eventually, she won and I conceded defeat. So I decided I was going to go and at first,  I thought that we were both going at first but she said that it would be a good idea that I went on my own and see what it was like, no outside pressure and the decision to stay or not,  would be mine and mine alone. Anyway, the Open Day finally arrived and I left home with no idea on what awaited me there and even when I arrived and started looking for a parking space, I very nearly turned around and left! It must have been written in the stars or something because I decided to stay but I don't mind admitting that I was so nervous walking into that building and it must have shown on my face that day!  I walked in and was asked to sign the register and became immediately  aware of the noise, in particular, laughter, not that it shouldn't have been a happy place, it's just that I did not know what sort of a place it was going to be!  Thinking back, I must have looked such a twat walking in, I must have looked at every single notice board, read every single notice, looked at every display and poster, picked up one of every leaflet, I did everything possible to avoid making eye contact with anyone!  For the first ten minutes I was there, I did a lot of looking around, not in a nosy way you understand,  I suppose it was all 'fact-finding', mentally comparing notes if you like,  however I soon had this overwhelming feeling come over me of being thought of and indeed looked upon as a bit of a fraud!  For the first time in thirteen years I had never been in a place with so many members of this unique club of ours(MS), some in wheelchairs, some on scooters or with walkers and some with a cane and then there was me, walking around unaided, admittedly, I was hurting inside, my head was tight and my legs were aching like crazy but I was still walking about! I knew that I had been that bad before, I could relate to what was going on, I had been through the ringer but the people at the Centre did not know that, after all, it is not as if I was wearing a T-Shirt or carrying a banner  that  announced my arrival. I should imagine those who even noticed me, probably thought that I was just a member of Joe Public who was just being nosy!  It was then that I met Jackie Wray who is the manager of the Centre, she had seen me from a distance, sticking out like a sore thumb and she came over and introduced herself to me and vice-verca, she asked  about me and I gave a brief history of myself and why I had finally come to the Centre and she was so welcoming to me and soon I began to relax, so my apologies to Jackie for boring her stupid!  She told me all about what the Centre is, what it does and what it can offer, she showed me around, the gym and fitness room, the various treatment rooms and then to the Oxygen Chamber. If I were to be honest, I had heard a lot about the Oxygen Chamber, quite a mixed response, some had said it worked for them, others were still undecided and some say that they have yet to feel any benefit from it. Me, I cannot comment because I have yet to experience what it can offer, i'll get back to you on that one!  My first impression upon seeing the Chamber was that it had come straight out of a Science Fiction film, lots of dials and gauges, pipework and monitors, I half expected Jackie to introduce me to the resident scientist, " this is Mr Cousteau but just call him Jacques!
                         The most powerful impression I got about the Centre was that it was such a positive place, a place that gave you the impression that you were amongst friends. At the time I knew nothing about anyone, they knew nothing about me, I suppose it was a blank page for us both, in hindsight, what better way to start!  I remember being stopped in the corridor by a young lady in a wheelchair who offered me a plate of doughnuts and all I could think of to say was 'no thanks, got to think of my figure',  'that's ok she said' as she charged off down the corridor! She must have thought that I was such a twat!  What a dumb arsed thing to say to her in the first place, I should have introduced myself to her, so a bit late as per bloody usual but I'm Martin, how has your week been and I will have one of those doughnuts please!
                         The fitness room/gym has all manner of  apparatus on offer, cycling machines, rowing machines, you name it and is was there. One thing that I saw and  watched with great interest was a Tia Chi session and I plan to have a go at that one day that's for sure!  I was then told all  about Reiki, a therapy that I had heard of but had never ever given a thought about for myself but was soon to discover the 'WOW' factor of it!!  I was then introduced to Carrie, a lovely lady and  the resident holistic therapist for the Centre and she told me all about The Bowen Technique. This is a therapy that she offers to all members of the centre and I would encourage anyone, correction, EVERYONE, to try this therapy!  Before I had the taster session which lasted about twenty minutes or so, I was completely cynical about it, mainly because I had never heard of it, even when Carrie explained it to me, I must have conveyed this in my face!  Up until then, I was the sort of person that would raise an eyebrow to anything that I considered a bit 'out there', against the norm, the sort of guy who would believe it when it jumped out and bit me on the arse! As soon as I laid face down on that table and Carrie started to perform her magic, or is it witchcraft......whatever, things most definitely started to happen, don't know what, at that time we did not say much, mainly because I was initially uneasy but that feeling went and was replaced by a feeling of what I can only describe as being a spectator inside my own body, I know it sounds crazy but it's true, who was watching my 'wonky' frame inside, gradually being put back to where it should be! Sounds weird I know but you must believe this 'dyed in the wool' sceptic, it does work and I have had more sessions since that day, I am a fan! As I always say about a lot of things, don't knock it until you have tried it!   
                      I have  been many times to the Centre since that day and I am so glad that that I have, after such a long time in the 'self imposed' wilderness that I had put myself in! Everyone I have met, whoever they are, are so friendly, everybody knows everybody, even though I only go on a Friday at the moment due to my work commitments, I feel like I am welcome, well I hope I am!
              As all MS'rs know, stress is one of the regular challenges that we have to face and it is so easy for stress to take hold and one of the way's I have found out recently to combat it is to have an Indian Head Massage!  This is a great way to help you to relax, in my case, it tends to make me talk a lot for some reason, sorry Carrie! Unfortunately, it does not stimulate hair growth, perhaps that is why I tend to talk a lot, in a vain attempt to entice my hair to grow, who knows but it is so relaxing!  Another therapy that the Centre offers is Reiki! I think that I must have been a bit stressed out the day I had Reiki the first time, this was some time after that initial Open Day visit and I had forgotten all about it! Perhaps I had been having a bad week at work or something, I don't recall feeling that I was having any particular battle with my MS at that time, just feeling crap in general I suppose! As all MS'rs know, frustration and stress go hand in hand, it may be a relatively trivial thing that causes your frustration in the first place but it can eventually cause major stress! So, it was on one of my Friday visit's to see Carrie at the Centre, I was obviously stressed about something and she could see that, so she  suggested Reiki to me. What the hell, anything that helps me to feel less wound up, I certainly needed something, I can remember being not a very nice person that week that's for sure! All I can remember is lying on the table face down to start with,  then Carrie began manipulating an arm, then a shoulder, then my neck, my back,  then my hips and right down to my ankle, then back up the other side, I am probably describing that all wrong but that is how it felt and within ten minutes, I was aware that I had fallen into what I can only describe as one of the most relaxed states I have EVER been in!!  I would start to talk and my sentences would just drift off and then It felt like my whole body started to 'deflate' and I was starting to sink into the table, the tension was just leaving my whole body and I made no attempt to stop it, normally I would just hang on and on and not let go of my inner feelings! Up until then, I had a major job in relaxing, I just found it very hard to do, almost impossible as Carrie will testify but on this occasion, I was gone, the stress just left me! For me, this was a real turning point, I remember telling people about, what for me, was bloody monumental, I had finally, after years of trying, begun to relax and I will always be grateful to Carrie for showing to me that I could get rid of it, helping me to feel what has been missing from my life for all these years, just being stress-free and able to completely relax again, these Friday visits have shown me that I can do it,  so a very special thank you to  Carrie for helping me achieve this and helping to put me back together again! 
               So just from that initial visit last summer, a lot has happened to me that is so positive and has certainly helped me to deal with my MS, it can still get me down like everybody else and I am still a work in progress but I am definitely all the better for going there!  I must offer a very special thank you to Jackie and all at the Swindon Therapy Centre, all of the new friends I have met  because they have all helped me so much this past few months, more than they realize!