An Unwelcome Guest: Chapter.14 The Power Of Music - 'I Like It Loud and........ I Like It Quiet! When you are diagnosed with a chronic condition such as I have with M.S, I often find myself saying the same thing over and over, 'well at least I'm not...........! This could be blind or dumb, bed ridden or in a wheelchair, stupid even, (although there must be people out there who think that of me already) but the one thing I am so glad that I am not, is deaf! Now, in the grand scheme of things, to be deaf or to become deaf, is something that some people live with because they are born deaf, or they become deaf through natural wear and tear, or some sort of accident perhaps or maybe through some illness! When I was in hospital all those years ago and went to my first group meeting and I met for the first time, other MS'rs, some had suffered temporary eyesight problems, I remember one lady saying that she had lost all vision in one eye, which lasted a few days but one lady, I will never forget, told me that she had become deaf, albeit temporarily again, for just a couple of days but it was something that I listened to (no pun intended), that has stayed with me all these years! So I thank the lord, or whoever might be looking out for me, that so far, my hearing is still in pretty good shape.
You see, I have loved music for as long as I can remember, music of all types, all genres, old ones, new ones, loved ones and neglected ones as the man on the radio used to say!! Music, for me anyway, has become so important in the way I deal with my M.S, different styles of music I play according to my mood, if I am happy or sad, if I am feeling good about myself, or not as the case may be! In the early days, I was very angry and some of the stuff I listened to certainly reflected that, very dark, very moody, it may have been the lyric's or the riff, some of it, now when I look back was oh so incredibly depressing, this without doubt was certainly a reflection of me at that time and the way my mind was screwing me up! I don't even think that I wanted to listen to 'happy' music, probably because I was far from 'happy', I enjoyed a much darker sound to my music!
There are many pieces of music that I can listen to that can be very emotional for me, this may be just the way it is constructed, a quiet start, a gradual build up, ending in some amazing crescendo of sound that just beats you into submission! Some stuff gets me every time because I can relate it to the impact that M.S has had on my life, indeed our lives, corny, maybe but oh so true! A quiet start, usually reflects the sadness and the fear that we are feeling, the slow build up reflects the confusion and the dread of what might be in store, when you get to the middle section, usually things start to lighten up a bit, this gives you the feeling that you are not alone in this fight and then the loud and joyous ending, conjures up feelings of determination and above all, hope! Listen to this piece with your eyes closed and work with it, you will see what I mean!
There are some songs that I love and hate in equal measure, The Beatles 'Yesterday' for example, is a song about lost love and how it was such a great thing, Yesterday! It is a song that whenever I hear it today, I certainly feel that way but instead of the lost love being a woman, it is me that I always put in her place, is that selfish, vain even, I don't know, 'Yesterday, All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away', is a lyricthatstrikes such a chord with me every time!
Music in my opinion is a great leveler, you love the song or you loathe it, to have the capacity to cause these two emotions within you means that you at least are using your ears! Some songs have the ability to make you angry, this may mean that you really don't like it, or it is a song that you love listening to, usually to makeyouangry, to fire you up, to make you want to punch the air! M.S makes us all angry for sure but we must also show our anger 'to' M.S, we have got to grab M.S by the balls now and again, we may be down sometimes but not out, spit this devil in the eye!
Just because you have M.S, does that mean that you can't dance anymore? For ages I would just refuse to move around at parties let alone dance but then I thought to myself, who said you can't! Obviously, nobody said I couldn't, it was just me again, thinking that I shouldn't, not that I was a Fred Astaire but I liked a bit of a bop about now and again, usually with some alcoholic lubrication, naturally! To be able to get off on a song does not mean you have to throw shapes all over the place, if you can stand, you can just sway to the beat, or just nod your head in time to the beat, if you are in a wheelchair, tap a hand, tap a finger, you can move to the rhythm anyway you want, nobody is judging you and if you are getting enjoyment from it, if it is making you happy, go for it, give it all you have got!
Other times that music plays an important role is when you are doing the exercise of your choice! As we all know, doing any form of exercise, it may be for physio, keeping everything working as best it should, it may be walking, or if you are lucky enough to still be able, jogging or even running! Any of these can be a very lonely pursuit, especially if you are doing them on your own, nobody to talk to and apart from being lonely, it can be bloody boring, you need a bit of motivation! So some music of your choice at home, in the gym or fitness room, or even outside, pounding the streets, is a must I reckon! Some people choose some lively stuff to move about to, a bit of the old DISCO perhaps, or some drum and bass if your a real nutter and then there are some like myself, who prefer something a bit Rockier, something that is a bit more kick ass, the choice is endless! Could be a bit of Guns'n'Roses, or something old school, perhaps some Zeppelin or Purple or how about some Indie, Oasis sounds good to me, whatever floats your boat, perhaps some 'Stones, now this is a great song, superb to work out to, the title is rather apt too I reckon!!
With the rough of course there is , the smooth and there are many occasions when we have just got to unwind, de-stress, sometimes you may not want to but we have to before M.S pulls the rug from under you, so take some time out in a manner of your choosing!! You can read a book if your concentration allows it, you can meditate if you can, power to those that can meditate by the way, I wish I could, there is usually too much crap in my head anyway, it would take an age to empty that lot out!! Alternatively, there is music, music that is recorded for that very purpose, to help you relax but I must be honest, I have listened to CD's of whales calling, waves crashing, wolves howling even, I have listened to Red Indians doing there thing and I have tried to listen to some Gregorian Chanting! The effect that some of this stuff has on me is to make me want to go to the toilet, makes me feel cold, or bores the hell out of me, everything but relax me! Now don't get me wrong, some people really enjoy this stuff and it certainly has the desired effect on them but not me I'm afraid! I prefer to do my own searching and by doing this, I have found some really great stuff but each to their own! So anyway, here are a couple of songs you may like and indeed even recognize.
As I am fundamentally a really nice guy, I am because I know I am, so if you could indulge mefor a few minutes of your time! This next song is a song that I have loved for years, it means a lot to me, the lyrics mean so much to me personally, I have always felt that they could have been written for me, so much so that it will be played at my funeral, whenever that may be, not yet I hope! Leonard Cohen is not to everybody's taste but just think of him as poet with a guitar, just read the lyrics and all will become clear!
This next song I would like to dedicate to all of my fellow MS'rs because whatever shit this godforsaken curse throws at us, we are, inside, the same people that we always were, remember that and in our own way, we still shine, oh yes, we shine.XX
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